Emotional feces

A deep dive into thinking about OCD, but with like, zero nuance.

Having an emotional response is not like taking a shit. You can’t just clench really hard and poop out the feelings you don’t want.

“You can’t just shit out your emotions.” - The Psychology Onions guy

I sometimes try to take a step back from my OCD and attempt to view it with bit of a wider lens. But if I think too much about it, well… it’s heaps bizarre, mate. 🇦🇺

On one hand, OCD is just a medical problem. And like other medical problems, there are medications and treatments available. Just like how heart specialists look at EKGs of their patients, doctors have used brain imaging to study the brains of OCD sufferers.

Now if you’d let me go down a bit of a rabbit hole here—let’s say you have the flu. You can take medicine and eat chicken noodle soup and groan a lot and then you’ll feel better in 4-6 business days.

Or maybe you have a heart problem. You can take some heart medication and schlop a soggy handful of Honey Nut Cheerios into your big, dumb mouth and you’ll be good to go—probably, maybe, I dunno. I’m not, how do you say—a cardiologist.

In a sense, OCD is similar. There are definite, proven steps you can take to manage this disorder, like taking an SSRI (albeit a hefty dose) and practicing Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).

Unfortunately, we don’t think of OCD like it’s a medical condition.

I don’t think of my OCD like a chronic illness that needs treatment and management and medication, but I should. If I’m not ashamed of myself every time I get the flu or have acid reflux, then why am I ashamed of my OCD?

“Having OCD is like having a mild case of influenza.” - The Psychology Onions guy

And if I may continue with this dubious OCD is just the flu analogy for a bit longer—I also think it’s interesting how we don’t tell a person who is sick with the flu to just “try harder.” But for some reason, it’s pretty normal to tell a person with a mental illness that they need to try harder at combating their mental illness.

Now—for a person dealing [with a person dealing with a mental illness], sometimes the patience runs out. Which is totally fair. If I deserve grace as the OCD sufferer, the person suffering from my OCD suffering deserves grace as well. #MouthfulOfWords

“What’s your point?” - you, probably

I’m not really sure. Ultimately, I struggle with how to frame my OCD. Like: is this just a disorder I have or is this who I am? What part of me is me? If my thoughts are just thoughts and the emotional and physical response I have to those thoughts are things I need to confront, then… am I… uh… who… uhhhhhh…

So who am I?

I’m just a guy with OCD and an uncomfortable amount of scalp psoriasis.” - The Psychology Onions guy

I think the shitty reality of all this OCD rigmarole is that maybe I do need to try harder.

If I actually want to break free from this suffocating disorder, I need to stop falling for the old way—which is also known, medically, as getting pistol whipped by the OCD.

The old way is to give in and to obsess and to check and to try to figure it out and to seek reassurance and to self-criticize and to buy into the idea that I am actually in real danger.

But the new way is to take a step back and to acknowledge that I am engaging with my OCD—not actually any “real” danger. There isn’t any real danger. The issue isn’t that I’ve killed somebody or I’m going to kill somebody or I’m dying or I’m contaminated or that I’m some kind of perverted human whose life is ending.

My OCD is the issue—not the lies he tells me.

And when my OCD hits me—and that fucker hits hard—I need to tell myself that:

I’m not going to figure this out.
I’m not going to waste my time.
I’m going to eat doubt for breakfast.
(And probably some Cheerios.)

I know it’s not some William Wallace in Braveheart type speech but it’s all I got.

Yours in mental illness,
The Psychology Onions guy

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